Princess Spoiled Brat (6 year old niece, notice she's in every picture)
The Brother (Father to Princess Spoiled Brat)The Mom and Princess Spoiled Brat went on a road trip this weekend to The Big Grandma's house. This is huge fun for Princess Spoiled Brat because she thinks The Big Grandma's house has a pool. When in fact........she and The Mom stay at a hotel. The Big Grandma lives in a lovely retirement apartment that isn't' big enough for guests, so a visit gets you a hotel room. This is a good thing!
The Big Grandma wanted to attend her friend's 80th birthday party in a far off land called Bluehairville. The Big Grandma dosen't drive anymore, so she needs someone to take her to Bluehairville, which is an hours drive from her house. All of this driving, after one has been in the car for 6 hours already (maybe longer with women in the car) getting to her house. Being on the road last weekend to the Farm Chicks Extravaganza, I decided to opt out of the girl's road trip this weekend. Besides that , I have been to Bluehairville and honestly, the last time I was there, I was so exhausted from being bossed around all day by the munchkins of Bluehairville. The Mother wasn't happy with my decision and said I would have to pay later.
So The Mother and Princess Spoiled Brat are gone this weekend off to The Big Grandma's house, The Brother is working on a job that has taken him out of town and is not around this weekend. That leaves me and The Hubs to show our appreciation to The Dad today on Fathers Day.
I called The Dad earlier in the week to see what he would like to do on Sunday. After all, it IS his day. Did he want me to cook for him? Did he want to go do something? What would he like to do? The response from The Dad "I would like to be left alone, I have stuff to do!" I said .."Well ok then! "
For the last 4 days or so I have been trying to figure out if that's really what he meant or did he want me to just plan something on my own and say, "this is what we are going to do" and for it to be a surprise. The Hubs pointed out that The Dad has never been one that you need to "read between the lines". If he said leave him alone, that's what he meant. But you see Hallmark has done a number on my head! They (The Hallmark people) have made me think that if I don't do something spectacular and make a Hallmark card statement of a day I'm a bad daughter.
Well you know what??? Screw Hallmark! I'm going to let it go, I'm going to leave him alone.
As I was trying to let it go, I also was thinking about what I could do for him that would be a wonderful Father's Day gift. Then it occurred to me.............I'll get a surrogate Dad. "Why?" you ask, would I do that, when I already have a perfect Dad?
Just bare with me as I bring you in to this FABULOUS train of thought.
About the time The Hubs and I bought our current house my parents had both decided to retire. Now to a daughter that is purchasing a "fixer-upper" with a soon to be husband, who has power tools but doesn't know how to use them, this is WONDERFUL NEWS! I had these fantasies about my Dad driving an hour each way to my house (and being very happy to do so) to "Help Us" do all the projects we wanted done. Help us in remodeling bathrooms, living rooms, landscape, and outbuildings. All a while he would be LOVING IT! I really had thoughts that The Dad would be delighted in getting my new house magazine ready (Perfect! Just in case a magazine wants to do a photo shoot) and this would be his main priority in his early retirement.
Well guess what?????? He DOES NOT have the same fantasy that I have about him working on our house and honestly ............He shouldn't! He should be fishing, hunting, going to lunch with his buddies, traveling with my mom and helping Princess Spoiled Brat plant gardens.
So this Father's Day, my gift to my Dad won't be my usual list of "TO-DO" projects that need to be done at our house. I won't present the list and then graciously let him pick which project he would like to tackle on Father's Day. If he's been a really good Daddy all year I will let him pick two!
YEP, this year I've decided that I'm going to put an ad on Craigslist and look for a Gay Dad. Yep that's right! I'm currently thinking of interviewing potential Gay Dads. I'm not looking to replace The Dad, that's not it at all. I just need someone who has my same vision. Someone who's main goal in life is to help me make my house magazine ready. A Dad who wants to decorate, garden, and do craft projects. Now the ideal candidate will possess all of these qualities as well as have the similar tastes as mine. If my new Gay Dad interviewee happens to have a partner that's a pastry chef...........well.......HOT DAMN...........he's got the job!
Now if gay men reading this are horrified...... I'm sorry this isn't meant to be a slam on you or sexuality. Some of you do posses certian qualities a girl needs. This is intended as a compliment. I need some gay men in my life! Someone who gets it! Also if you're reading this and thinking "wow that would be a sweeeeeeeeeeeet gig" Please keep in mind that this position pays NOTHING and with that top pay, you have to contend with Princess Lazy Ass who has been known to be a bit high maintenance... According to The Hubs and some of her closest friends.
This gift will allow The Dad to be left alone instead of me calling every week wanting something done and him keeping his schedule VERY FULL so he can avoid me, or what he calls "enjoying his retirement". Whatever!
I really see this as a "Win-Win" situation for everyone.
I do have a back up plan in case this new superb plan doesn't work out like I thought it would. I'll call him later this morning and see if I can't treat him to a big ole burger at The Corner Tavern which he will be thrilled with.
Why My Dad is the best dad in the world???? He is the rock of our family. He is the most anal retentive, organized, smartest, funniest, quick witted, caring guy you will ever meet. He has always bailed me out of every bad choice I have ever made or will let me sit and cry if there was no fix. He's always kept my AAA membership paid up so I wouldn't be stranded, (except now that I'm married, The Hubs has to do it) he has always led by example... that hard work along with doing what is right will get you further, and laughing and having fun with your friends isn't a bad thing. He also taught me that while someone is pointing out something that you could improve on or didn't do right, "I know" isn't the right answer, If you knew, you wouldn't be having the conversation. Listen to what they have to say, You might learn something! And the best advice he ever gave me; If you're embarrassed that people are going to find out about something you did or said, then you probably shouldn't be doing it!
If it wasn't for his well organized anal retentiveness the rest of my family would be running around like chickens with our heads cut off. He keeps us all on the right track, with his wisdom and sarcasm. I do come by the sarcasm naturally.
Vintage Dad and Timi
The Dad, The Mom and Myself in Vegas
One afternoon The Hubs and I were talking about moving out of state (his job was forcing us to talk about it) when The Hubs said "I thought you didn't want to move, that your umbilical cord wouldn't stretch too far from your mom?" I said " I think I could do it now and besides that if that's what we have to do then that's what we have to do." The Hubs said "Well I don't think my umbilical cord will stretch that far from your Dad." If that isn't a testament to my dad being the greatest... I don't know what is!
Happy Father's Day Dad!Don't let me forget a shout out to The Hubs on this Fathers Day. Here at the House of B's, we want to thank him too for being a great dad to Charlie and Franklin. Keeping them with food, shampoo, and taking them out at 4 am. I would also like to thank The Hubs for keeping the internet on, purchasing Diet Coke, Entemans doughnuts, and.........well lets face it Princess Lazy Ass isn't going without much around here!
These are my boys
Call your Dad today, or sit and take a minute to remember the good things you remember about him.
Have a great day!