A Girl Named Timi

Thailand here I come!

****Caution****

This posting isn’t for the fainthearted, easily offended, male audience, children or my parents!


The Hubs is a retired sailor and has pretty much seen a lot of things I can’t even begin to understand. One of those things being The Lady’s of Thailand and the famous Ping Pong Show. It has perplexed me for years (even before I met The Hubs) as to how those women discovered they had such a talent. Were they just sitting around and someone said “hey look what I just discovered I can do!” as they are shooting a ping pong ball out their Vajayjay. I just never could wrap my brain around how someone could discover such a talent. I know that there is a lot more to this “talent” selection process than I really want to know but you get where I’m going with this not understanding right? How does a girl discover she should really apply for the new Ping Pong Idol contest and become part of the “arts” in Thailand? I just have never understood it.


I had my annual doctor’s appointment the other day. I was soooooooooooo not looking forward to going and had put it off as long as I could.
I got up, got showered, shaved, lotioned up so I smelled good, clean underwear, clean bra, Ladies, you know the routine. I even fasted for 12 hours prior for this appointment.

So I get to my appointment, check in with the nurse, she tells me “good news /bad news, you haven’t shrunk but you have gained weight” FANTASTIC! I was hoping for tall and skinny. Maybe next time!
Then we go in to the exam room where she takes my vitals, takes some blood and proceeds to ask me why I don’t have kids. I’m thinking “you have my damn chart!” "You know why!"

We chat for a little while, then I wait for the doctor.

My doctor is a female, she’s a few years younger than me and we always have a good time when I have a visit. We joke around, she listens to me bitch about how I’m falling apart, I’m hormonal, and I’m probably going to need some kind of surgery on my latest Hypochondriac aliment I have dreamed up. She usually ends the appointment with “you’re not falling apart, you’re super healthy, you don’t need surgery and I’ll see you next year”

So she comes in, we chat, start laughing and joking around like we usually do. She proceeds with the exam and then it’s time….. DUM DUM Insert doom music here…… Time for the dreaded “get to know you “ part of the exam. So I slide down, legs pointed to Jesus, and we start chatting as she's getting to know me better. Then she cracks some joke, I crack a joke back and I start laughing. HUGE MISTAKE! As soon as I started laughing the speculum flew out across the room. Now my doctor is laughing so hard she can’t even speak. I say “ did that just shoot out of me?” She barely gets out the reply of yes and I say “DAMN! I should go to Thailand and work!” “I had no idea!” All she can manage to get out is “stop talking and laughing!” So she finishes up the exam and basically calls it quits for my appointment because she can't stop laughing.

As I was getting my paperwork together from the nurse, my doctor comes out and says to me “I have done probably 10,000 of these exams and I have NEVER had that happen!”
I laughed and told her that I had always wondered how those ping pong show ladies knew they could do that and now I know. AND….. WOWZA was my

ex-sailor husband going to be happy with this news!

I think he’s been searching the sporting goods ads for ping pong ball sales since I told him!

If I mysteriously stop blogging for a couple weeks without notifying you………..CALL THE AUTHORITIES! He got me a job…..IN THAILAND!!!

I can’t make this shit up!